Week 9 Family Mentoring: Who is in the driver seat when you make decisions?

Week 9 on the family mentoring was particularly though provoking! Individual sessions for Martin and Liz with more focus on their individual families!! There were many powerful messages so to make this blog a manageable size we have picked out one of the main themes and will give you another one later this week!! The effects of negative emotions on decisions are something we rarely contemplate and even less often do we assess effects of these decisions made when we are in an emotional state!! Having thought long and hard about how best to describe it I decided on using driving as an analogy!!

Ever been driving your car and got stuck in really slow traffic? Felt that frustrations build, turn into anger and then we start to become aggressive in our driving style, body language, start overly using the horn? Who’s driving the car at that moment in time YOU or the EMOTION? The same analogy can be used when we look at the road we are travelling in life- when you face a challenging situation who is driving – you or the negative emotion? And why do we automatically let them take control?

Let’s look at who might take control when you are in an emotionally charged challenging situation (yes we have all been there – when family are driving you mad, when your partner just isn’t listening, when there is trouble within your team at work!!) because at the time we are so involved and overwhelmed that it is hard to get an objective picture of who might be driving!!

Anger?

Frustration?

Self-doubt?

Worry?

Anxiety?

The list could go on and on! But more importantly what do these drivers routinely make you do? How do they make you behave? What do they make you say? – Let’s see The road to no-where? (well I had to get that one in somewhere!), pointless arguments that achieve nothing, behaviour that leads you to hit the self destruct button! I predict none of these destinations are taking you anywhere close to achieving your goals or give an accurate picture of who you want to be and how you want to be seen in the world!!

So how do we overcome this dangerous driving, this reckless approach to decision making which all too often takes us backwards into our comfort zone of behaviour that we are used to!!

Taking back the drivers seat, even when those loud voices are still being persistent back seat drivers shouting directions and advice at us, all comes down to how we learn to stay calm, breathe deeply, stay focused on the goal and communicate with ourselves!

Ultimately the choices (and the keys!!) are ours in how we behave and who we allow to take control of our decision making!

6 Comments

Posted by Alison Gilbert on 17 October 2011

Great food for thought! A lesson for us all.

Posted by Lynsey Mackay on 17 October 2011

Lots to think about, sounds like another great week.

Posted by Michelle Lockard on 17 October 2011

Definitely a lot to think about in this blog. Looking forward to what the theme is in the next blog later in the week.

Posted by Tommy Gray on 17 October 2011

Fantastic blog Kate....again highlighting the way we all see issues that arise in our lifes and how to take control of our choices we make.

Posted by caroline gormley on 17 October 2011

Brilliant blog again Kate!!!.....the ever present conflict between the id, the ego, and the super ego...............I suppose the trick is learning how to balance our emotional state and taking responsibility for our own actions or inactions. :)

Posted by stephen kidd on 16 October 2011

use of a car fantastic image for getting life messages across, Wing mirrors, they represent mistakes the linger at your ears and flash in front of you when same activity comes in your life rear mirror, rare but only somethimes we reflect by looking at the past Head lights, turning on when we need to see further in life wipers, we turn them on and put washers on when we need to brush away the tears we have in life accelator hit the peddle when we want to drive towrads our goals, tha families are well on the way to get the life they want Stevie Kidd

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