Where's the Scratch in your life?

Suicide: described as being something that happens when a person’s painful circumstances exceed their resources for coping. Suicide is a rare event and every life lost to suicide is a tragedy - no matter the person's age. One suicide represents lost life, lost talent, lost creativity and a lost future. Sadly there is still much stigma attached to suicide leaving many people unable to empathise with those who have tried to take their own life. Hostility or avoidance are not unusual for those who have been left behind. There is no sure fire way to know if someone is considering suicide other than to ask as often the stigma of mental ill health or guilt stops people seeking the medical help that they need. A willingness to talk about depression and suicide can be the first step in getting someone help and preventing suicide.

For those who have suffered a loss through suicide there is no best way to handle the situation but there are tools to help cope with the grief as I discovered after I had dealt with 4 suicides within a relatively short space of time. From feeling in constant conflict of trying to deal with the emotions, the "what if's" and the emotions of others it was not until I met Dr Bandler that I learned the tools to turn this into a feeling of calm and was able to move on. On reflecting on this I understood that everyone, including myself, at sometime in their life could have these thoughts. Everyone has the potential to reach that dark place, unable to deal with things and are only able to focus on the negatives. Everyone can spiral into the situation where they are convinced there are no other solutions. Standing at the graveside of the 5th person to commit suicide I made a commitment to recognise the signs in any individual and do what I could to change the pattern of behaviour, to stop people continuing down the path of self-destruction. Language patterns, facial expressions, the eyes, how they ask questions, how they think of past present and future can all be indicators.

I have thought long and hard about the best way to describe the patterns of behaviour in someone who is experiencing these thoughts and concluded it is best described as a record hitting a scratch, as it hits the scratch it keeps repeating the same thing over and over, but when helped over this and back on track the pattern changes and the song continues. In the same way those experiencing these thoughts display the same behaviours repeatedly when trying to deal with a situation and nothing changes. As this happens the sub-modalities magnify the negative experiences, until they become overwhelming. I had to enable them to focus on, and magnify the positives. Taking things in small steps to get them to focus on where they want to be, what they want, and what they want to achieve in their life. Changing the persons state, re-lighting the flame within and pushing the darkness away to change the patterns of behaviour and allow people to focus on their timeline for the future, allowing them to create a different person from the one they are now. Using role models to model behaviours, strategies and techniques is just one of the techniques I use to help people to achieve this.

Through my career I have kept the commitment I made and have worked with people suffering depression, experiencing suicidal thoughts, struggling to cope, returning from war who are now flourishing and living the life that they want, this is something which is wonderful to see. It is hugely difficult to take the first step in asking for help, and even more so to see that if something doesn't work you need to change it and that is why I never hesitate in approaching people who appear to be suffering to help them change the outcome, and neither should you. All to easily it could be us that needs support to get over the scratch in our life and continue playing our song.

1 Comment

Posted by Valerie Dowens on 08 December 2011

After reading this I feel unusually speachless, but I am now committed to be more observant in identifying and supporting those who are struggling with life, thanks.

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